Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
