So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want nice things and good sex
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
