Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
