I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
