He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am mentally ready for anal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
