Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
