So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
