You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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