I want to make a zoo with you.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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