Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
