I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
