Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
