Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
