Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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