Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
