did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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