Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
