dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
