If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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