So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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