Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
