where am i from again
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just googled if crying burns calories
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
