We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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