she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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