i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
