i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
