WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
please come you make the beer taste better
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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