i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
