she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
