I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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