If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
