it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
