its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
