It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
