I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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