Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
