just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
