thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
