Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
