'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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