If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
