you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
