He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
