a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
