i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think your dad took our porno
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
