Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
