Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
