i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
