Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
