Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
