I faked an abortion last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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