Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
