I looked at my own cervix.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
