someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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