I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
