I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
