Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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