so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
