and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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