Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please don't give away my fajitas
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
