4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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