dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
