My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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