he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
