my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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