I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
