No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
