Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
last night I used snow as a chaser
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize