he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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