just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
