your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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