stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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