Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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