those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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