I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
